We really don't like to talk about it, but it doesn't change the fact that sex is the driving force between men/women relationships. We sometimes want to pretend its romance or love and sex doesn't really count, but we are only fooling ourselves. The way we seek to have relationships: how often we seek them, whether we seek them at all and who we seek them from says a lot about how we see ourselves sexually.
This is perhaps because the sexual side of a relationship is often one of the first things that is affected when a relationship starts to go bad. But for many of us, we don't even get that far to a relationship because our discomfort with sex actually prevents us from initiating a relationship.
One of the questions I ask my clients after they've talked about how this and that is stopping them from having a relationship is: "Are you confident that you can satisfy the opposite sex's criteria for a sexual partner$%:" When they start saying thing like "lots of people don't have fulfilling sex lives, so its okay", "who cares about sex, anyway$%:" or " sex is often overrated, there are more important things in a relationship" etc. I know that they are much more serious stuff than just 'dating confidence".
Creative illustrations:
Little or non-interest in sex inevitably forces you to belittle or down play your sexual expectations by trying to make it somehow "okay" which is just another way of suppressing feelings, unmet needs and desires. The problem is that suppressing those feelings only makes you feel more insecure because of limited personal experience. Limited personal experience leads to fear of approaching the opposite sex which further perpetuates the vicious cycle of lack of sexual confidence.
Dealing with the root cause of your non-interest in sex involves more than simply seeing the "light" and moving forward in a blissful state of enlightened liberation. It requires "a safe and supportive environment" for a lot of self-reflection, willingness to look at yourself as you are and courage to change the things you need to change.
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